I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
