when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
