Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
