Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
