I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
