Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
