so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
