I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
