My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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