Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
