you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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