Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
