Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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