I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
