in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
