Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
