Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
