You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
