nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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