My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
