I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
