Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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