): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
