I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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