THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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