its not stalking. its research.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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