We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
