You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
