I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
