I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
