i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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