Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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