I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
