All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
