Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
