yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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