There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
