threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
