Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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