My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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