my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
how does that bad decision feel?
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