I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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