i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
