just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
