What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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