Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
