Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
