The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
