Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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