I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties