I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk