Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet