I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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