I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again