i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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