I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
even my farts smell like vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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