I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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