My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm too high and old for this...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize