Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Found the puke drawer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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