I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
