Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
