Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
