i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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