I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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