I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
