i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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