i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
