He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
