Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
