Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
