A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wear drunk well.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
