That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
