what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
