Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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