Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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