I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
