ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
