woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
